Communication is an important aspect of all relationships. Couples that have healthy relationships communicate love and respect to each other. Effective communication requires not only listening and empathy skills but also the ability to express thoughts and feelings without criticism or attack of the partner. Feeling safe to express emotions and thought are therefore primary to good communication. If you are afraid of being hurt or rejected for your emotions or thoughts you will be reluctant to communicate.
Good communication doesn't mean that you won’t have any conflict, it involves how honestly you express your thoughts, ideas, and feelings to others, especially in what you say and how you say it.
Seven Ways to Better Relationship and couples Communication:
Start with good will: Not everyone thinks or behaves in the same way about the same situation. Rather than patronizing, scolding, or criticizing use the opportunity to share how different or alike you are with your partner.
Own your stuff: Don't make your triggering a reason to blame someone else. Take responsibility for your own reactions and feelings
Use "I" messages: Let the other person know that you are having a feeling about a behavior rather than them.
Admit the truth: Rather than having to be totally right, be forthcoming about what may be true about what the other person is saying
Ask what your partner needs: Under every hurt or frustration is an unmet need. Find out directly what it is so that it can be addressed.
Don't take it personally: Most triggers are the result of some past pain that gets reminded in our hurt psyche. Sharing this unresolved past with your partner removes blame and increases understanding about how you "work".
Express the opportunity: We are all in relationship to be supported and feel connected. Use your communication as a way to get your needs met and to be understood,especially if you have some unresolved issues that only a trusted partner can hear and help heal.
Don't wait for your challenges to become overwhelming or destructive. Seek and get help NOW!
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Trained in marriage and family counseling, I see pre-marital, married, co-habitating, and gay and lesbian (LGBT) partners for couples counseling, in my Denver, Colorado mental health practice. As a certified sex therapist, I help couples deal with sexual and mental health issues such as low sexual desire, painful sex, sexual dysfunction, or sex/porn addiction. Click here to see more on couples therapy.
GLOW (Gays and Lesbians Out and Well) is psychotherapy and counseling with a gay-affirming focus for the Denver, Colorado, LGBT community. GLOW specializes in helping Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender (LGBT) persons come out and grow emotionally, psychologically and spiritually. GLOW’s gay counseling is based on the premise that sexuality, creativity, and spirituality are intertwined and dependent on the affirmation of an authentic self-identity. Our work is informed by a philosophy that seeks equality and mental health and wholeness for all people. Click here to learn more about my approach to LGBT issues.
Silence about sexual issues is the great killer of relationships. It is common for people to encounter sexual problems, at any age. Women may experience arousal and orgasm difficulties, low sex drive, or pain during intercourse, while men may struggle with erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, and low libido. What is uncommon is for people to speak and do something about those problems before they irreparably damage their self-esteem and relationships. To learn more about Sex Therapy options, click here.
We can talk about options for a healthier, more satisfying, and productive life. Sexual addictions or compulsive behaviors can take over your life, whether it be internet pornography and cybersex, phone sex lines,strip clubs, bath houses, bookstores, cruising spots, or any other form of anonymous sex. It leaves you feeling empty and alone. Click here to learn more.
The causes of your distress may be immediate or rooted in your history. It may be difficult to tell the difference between the source of your stress, anxiety, grief, or discomfort, and your current struggles. You may even try to correct the wrong problems. You may suppress, avoid, or even self-medicate trauma with compulsive behaviors or addiction. There is HELP and HOPE for current or past trauma, PTSD, and abuse! Call GLOW Now or click here to learn more!
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Psychotherapy for emotional, sexual, spiritual, and mental health
Moshe Rozdzial, LPC