Most common indicators of infidelity seem to focus on men’s emotional dissatisfaction. Dr. Gary Neuman interviewed over 200 couples for his book “The Truth About Cheating”. He reported that 48% of men rated emotional dissatisfaction as the primary reason for infidelity. Only 8% of men rated sexual dissatisfaction as the reason. Apparently, men want appreciation and acknowledgement, but are unable to express these desires, and hence, seek solace elsewhere for emotional loneliness.

Newman also discovered that another reason why men cheat is that this behavior may be condoned through association with other men who cheated. It appears that when guys discuss their affairs with eachother, it legitimizes their behavior and diminishes their sense of guilt, therefore, non-guilt by association.

Power certainly may play a role. For instance, in a large scale survey , Joris Lammers and colleagues, at Tilburg University, found that the more power people had, the more likely they were to be more confident and unfaithful. Interestingly, research in college students, which found that when both male and female students were given a temporary sense of power, they tended to flirt more with a stranger of the opposite sex who sat next to them.

According to Dr Terri Orbuch, a Huffington contributor, men of power deal with a combination of factors that propel infidelity, including the sheer presence of temptation, loneliness (at the top), a craving for the adrenalin rush, the need for ego approval, and the belief that they are impervious to getting caught or can conceal their transgressions because of the resources at their disposal. She also noted that powerful men cheat when they want to experience change.

In my own therapy practice I have noticed through anecdotal reports that many older men become unfaithful as a result of the insecurities of aging: the search for validation of their prowess, fear of mortality that is assuaged through sex, looking to sex as a source of individual meaning.

What these reports affirm are the old social norms of infidelity; the culpability of women, the good old boy culture of men, and the affirmation of masculinity through sex and power. For example, since loneliness and the lack of appreciation and affirmation are one of the main causes of cheating behavior in men, wives are blamed for not showing appreciation, or affirming the man’s efforts, thoughts, and feelings, or validating his sexuality. Conversely, the “other” woman is often blamed as temptress, plying her charms to overcome the hapless male.

What is not addressed in this discourse is the underlying systemic damage by male socialization and restricted gender roles that propel male cheating behavior. Emotional loneliness is the result of suppressed emotionality, stunted relationship skills, and the fear of being seen as weak or needy, that are the expectations of masculine ideals. The inability to practice emotional fluency, compassion, empathy and kindness will result in lack of transparency and honesty in relationship. The belief that it is unmanly to ask for support or appreciation recreates dysfunctional power dynamics by building resentments, anger, potential violence and vengeance. The sense of entitlement to women’s bodies dismisses a value system that encourages equality and acceptance in couple interactions, and, the validation of manhood through sex provides men the entitlement to seek sexual solace elsewhere.

Regardless of sexual orientation or the sexual agreements a couple makes, infidelity needs to be seen from both a personal and social lense. Relationships require that men make a commitment to self awareness and understanding of how their male privileges, insecurities, and fears of vulnerability and weakness distances them from their most intimate partners and leads them into potential ruinous infidelities, emotional, sexual, or other forms of secrecy, including pornography, workplace dalliances, internet chatting and hook-ups, and more.

Other than psychotherapy and medication, the most reliable treatment for SAD is light therapy, using full spectrum lights to illuminate the environment and extending light exposure beyond the ambient light cycle. Interestingly, recent research pointed out that the area behind the knees is somehow involved in maintaining proper circadian rhythms and that light exposure to that area may be helpful in alleviating SAD. So, perhaps walking in shorts, in the fall, like some hardy folks around town, may be a therapeutic practice.

As in regular depression, exercise, proper nutrition, fun and recreation, and appropriate sleep provide positive self-care support.  Also well documented are a number of nutritional supplements such as Vitamin D, omega-3 fatty acids found in fish oil, melatonin, and SAMe, which may imitate the body’s natural response to sunlight and reset the circadian cycle.

Moshe Rozdzial, LPC is a psychotherapist, sex therapist, and counselor in private practice in Denver, Colorado. www.glowcounseling.com

Our mind and body are constantly on alert to self-protect, scanning the environment for potential hurts.  This is the essence of worry: projecting, preparing, and rehearsing a future danger that’s rooted in past painful experience, witnessing, or perceived victimization. Overwhelm happens when we are confronted with one or more negative, real or imagined, experiences that supersede our ability to manage or control them. This is often labeled as a “crisis”. It could be ignited by something as powerful as a relationship breakup or death of a loved one, or, by the accumulated daily grind and indignities that trigger layers of stress, anxiety and fear beyond our ability to overcome. It is not surprising that those individuals with histories of past or current upheaval and trauma are more likely to self-medicate and fall into addiction: current events and thoughts trigger past wounds and future fears.

What this means is that rather than experiencing the present moment, most of us spend more time in the past, a time dimension that cannot be changed, or in the future, anticipating a time that we ultimately cannot control. This attention to the past or future causes an enormous amount of energy expenditure towards ruminating, analyzing, and judging the past and/or playing out scenarios of multiple potential negative futures.  Staying present can therefore minimize a great deal of our fears, conflicts, anxieties, and unhappiness while giving us access to tools that can make direct and profound difference in our current situation. Staying present means that you can stop being a victim to your history or future portent.  You become more connected to the truth of the present circumstance, able to make clear decisions and empowered choices, better able to trust yourself and others.

Here are five keys to staying present and overcoming overwhelm, stress, anxiety, fears, and  trauma flashbacks:

1.       Connecting to the body

The most important tool for attending to the present moment is to focus on the physical body. Look at your hands, feel your heartbeat or pulse, or look at your face in the mirror.  Pay attention to your body through touch, pressure, self-massage, exercise, or movement.

2.       Connecting to the breath

Almost nothing else comes as close to alerting us of our aliveness as our breathing. But, only deep, core breathing, known as abdominal or meditative breathing, has the capacity to inform our mind that it is safe and relaxed. Best way to be adept at this is to start with lying down, hands on abdomen, gently lifting your hands with every inhale.  See if you can than transfer this ability to the sitting and standing positions.

3.       Connecting to the present time

Ask yourself simple place and time oriented questions. What date and time is it now? Where am I in the universe?  Record the address, location, body position, and directional orientation (north, south, east, or west) of your current global positioning.

4.       Connecting to the emotions

Naming, honoring, and accepting the feelings you are experiencing as important sources of information for your function and survival in the present moment, and then communicate, write, or creatively express these feelings as a way to process them in a healthy manner.

5.       Connecting to the thoughts

Meditate or analyze on the thoughts passing through your mind.  Are they helpful or self-judging, are they true or distorted, can they be kept or let go?

Moshe Rozdzial, LPC. is a Psychotherapist and Sex Therapist in Denver, Colorado. www.glowcounseling.com

Other than obvious major relationship problems, such as physical violence, emotional, psychological or sexual abuse or affairs, many relationship problems are much more subtle or indirect. Yet, they may suggest that there are underlying unresolved issues that continue to erode the fabric of your relationship.
By recognizing the signs of relationship trouble, you can then begin to directly address the problems with the necessary tools and solutions to improve your connections. If you’re noticing one or more of these warning signs in your relationship, consider couples counseling to address underlying issues, the sources of these issues, and a plan to repair and enrich the relationship. Healing a troubled relationship is possible. These are the signs:

1) Continued abandonment. Most of us seek relationship to create a sense of connection and attachment. It is natural to need alone time, however, if you are experiencing a sense of isolation and abandonment in your relationship, especially as a result of withdrawal, distance, or a sense of being ignored, this may be a sign of unresolved conflict, resentment, or anxiety.

2) Negative use of power. We all come into relationship with different resources. Some of us earn more money; others are more educated or more social. These “currencies” of power can be used indirectly to the detriment of each other as put downs, criticism, or negative judgments, or more directly as control of resources or behavior, that make us feel belittled, unvalued, or unworthy.

3) Little or no sex. Most relationships start with a flurry of sex, however, as life stressors and relationship anxieties accrue with time, many relationships devolve into lack of physical intimacy and sexual disconnection. This leads to feelings of rejection or obligation, depending on who is more desirous of sex.

4) Lack of empathy. We all need to feel understood, but, different styles of communication, roles, or ways of addressing anxiety, such as controlling behavior or trying to be the “fixer”, get in the way of deep listening and intimacy, leading to feelings of invisibility, disrespect, and invalidation.

5) Fighting to win. Being right often costs the relationship as conflict becomes an all out war for victory or righteous indignation: leading to feelings of anger, frustration, and powerlessness.

6) Mistrust. Suspicion, spying, and invasion of privacy are rooted in fears engendered in the relationship by past behaviors or individual insecurities. This leads to feelings of entrapment, lack of support, and violation.

7) Lack of appreciation. All of us thrive on complements, acknowledgement, and appreciation; yet, many of us stifle these responses and behave as if gratefulness or appreciations are scarce commodities. This leads to a relationship where members feel hopeless, unwanted, and unloved.

Moshe Rozdzial, LPC is a psychotherapist, sex therapist, and counselor at GLOW counseling in Denver, Colorado. www.glowcounseling.com

I guess a question to ask ourselves is:  ”Do I want to win this argument or Do I want to resolve this problem.”  You may or may not be surprised to your own response to this question.  Most people choose winning.  Most people are invested in proving that they are obviously right and their partner should see the light.

The good news is when you win you feel justified.  The bad news: if you win the argument, both of you lose.  No one feels good when they lose and argument, and they are certainly are not going to feel warm to their partner.  The most often response is withdrawal, so the winners feel righteous but they have lost the presence of their partner.  Often the winner talks faster, is more convincing, puts their thoughts to better more quickly.  This leaves the other person feeling bad about themselves, often saying that I just don’t argue as well.  If you truly want to hear solve the problem, than you really need to put yourself in the shoes of your partner.Why is that?  No one, I mean no one, likes to be criticized, be told that the way they do things is wrong.

I think the bulk of us actually need a class in relationship 101.  Sometimes that class is available in workshops, sometimes within  individual therapy.   Most couples believe that they have had successful therapy if they feel they experience the ability to resolve issues at home.

Randy Weled-Expert writer from Golden Gate Counseling Center San Francisco

• Do you or a loved one have a debting habit?
• Do you or a loved one spend money compulsively or shop impulsively?
• Are you in constant anxiety of living on a financial edge?
• Do you feel like you don’t understand money?
• Are money conflicts destroying your relationship?

Millions of people have become trapped in a spiral of spending and debt. Overspending is a cultural addiction in a society that urges us to buy on credit, and keep buying. We are, after all, a consumer society, which rewards and glorifies the self-destructive behavior of overspending and compulsive shopping. This behavior leads to lives of unrealistic expectation, anxiety, and fear.

Break the cycle of financial terror for yourself or a loved one. There is hope!

It is not necessary to “hit bottom” in order to start recovery.

Call now! For immediate support and information on the loving and respectful way of getting you or your loved-one and your family on the path of recovery.

Also offering INTERVENTION SUPPORT for ALCOHOL and SUBSTANCE ABUSE, GAMBLING, SHOPPING, SEX ADDICTION, PORNOGRAPHY or CYBERSEX-internet sex-ADDICTIONS, LOVE ADDICTION and other BEHAVIORAL COMPULSIONS

More about the ARISE method of Addiction Intervention: Click here>>
More about GLBT substance abuse, alcohol, and addiction: Click here>>
More about sex addictions and internet porn addiction: Click here>>

GLOW Counseling can help on a variety of anxiety and addiction issues:, including sex therapy, couples counseling, and psycho-sexual education:

Addiction recovery therapy
Anxiety and stress disorders
Avoidance and isolation
Body image
Depression treatment
Disability, or chronic pain
Fear and Phobias
Grief and loss counseling
Love Addiction
Relationship and sexuality issues
Overcoming childhood sexual or emotional abuse
Performance anxiety
Panic attacks
Pornography addiction
PTSD & EMDR treatment
Sex therapy and sexuality issues
Shame and guilt
Social phobias
Trauma and abuse history
Worry and stress reduction

What is an Intervention?

An Intervention is the action taken by family, friends, employer and/or concerned others to actively assist someone to change unacceptable behaviors.
 

The ARISE method (Addiction Recovery in Supportive Environment):

ARISE is designed to work from the concerns of family and others to get a resistant addicted person started in treatment.
 
The ARISE process is designed to protect and enhance the long-term nature of family relationships, while at the same time ending the addiction’s control over the family.
 
The ARISE method of Addiction Intervention is an “Invitational Intervention”, a respectful technique used to mobilize families and concerned others to help the addicted person get started in treatment and/or self-help while maintaining and supporting family bonds, culture, and history.
 
Once the addicted person has started in self-help or treatment, the ARISE Interventionist remains involved with you and your family throughout the treatment process and into long-term recovery.
 

About Denver addiction recovery:

We know that your relationship with the addicted person in your life presents many challenges.
 
GLOW Counseling offers services that help individuals and families struggling with alcohol, substance abuse, sex addictions, including internet pornography or cybersex addiction, gambling, debting, and other compulsive behaviors. We are also well-versed in the many areas of trauma, the latest treatment and intervention methods, and the link between stress and anxiety and the addiction pathway.
 
Our recovery-related services focus on the continuous spectrum of recovery from getting past denial and getting started in treatment, through treatment and into long-term recovery. All the interventions are broadly focused on the mind-body-spirit continuum and are respectful of the expertise, love, and commitment of the individuals and families we serve.
 
GLOW Counseling also offers mental health services. We specialize in providing psychotherapy and counseling services and collaborative care, serving as links for individual and family healing.
 
CALL NOW! to find out how hundreds of families in Colorado and across the country have successfully used the ARISE method to get their loved one started in treatment.
 

Delayed ejaculation or “lasting too long”, is the difficulty or inability to achieve climax or ejaculation during sexual intercourse, despite normal sexual desire, arousal, and stimulation.

A number of factors, singly or in combination, may contribute to delayed ejaculation. These include physiological factors that affect the ability of the penis to experience sensation, including trauma, stroke, or damage to the penis or nerves leading to the penis, or as a result of chronic disease such as diabetes, high blood pressure, or alcohol or substance abuse. Certain medications can also impact the sensory capacity of the penis to respond to sexual stimulation, including anti-depressants and blood pressure medication.

Emotional and psychological factors may also delay orgasm in men. These include dissociation, history of sexual abuse, or stress or worry that distract from being present in the sexual connection.

Delayed ejaculation may, on the surface, appear to be a positive trait, yet, it can lead to sexual avoidance if it results in pain, resentment and recrimination. This may reinforce emotional and psychological distress in the form of performance anxiety, fear, and reduced intimacy.

There is help for delayed ejaculation. The best ways to address the cause and treatment of delayed ejaculation is to talk to a Sex Therapist who can provide understanding and treatment options. Call GLOW Counseling today for support of delayed ejaculation issues.

GLOW Counseling offers sex therapy, counseling, ad psycho-sexual education on a large range of sexuality and intimacy issues.
Moshe Rozdzial, LPC is a psychotherapist, sex therapist, and counselor at GLOW counseling in Denver, Colorado.

• Are you experiencing racing thoughts or persistent dread?
• Do you want freedom from overwhelm and anxiety?
• Are you constantly worried that something bad is going to happen?
• Do fears keep you from engaging socially, sexually, or in other activities?
• Does your anxiety lead you to think you are going crazy or having a heart attack or other physical disorders?
• Are you afraid of being left alone?

It is common for people to encounter stress and anxiety in their lives, at any age. What is uncommon is for people to do something about anxiety problems before they irreparably damage their self-esteem, work, and relationships. Research has shown that people dealing with three or more life transitions, traumas, or stressful situations are more likely to act out in unhealthy or self-sabotaging ways in an attempt to self-sooth or avoid their internal distress or overwhelm.

Don’t wait till anxiety and worry has overtaken your life and thoughts. Call now for stress management therapy.

GLOW Counseling can help on a variety of anxiety issues, including sex therapy, couples counseling, and psycho-sexual education:

Moshe Rozdzial, LPC is a psychotherapist, sex therapist, and counselor at GLOW counseling in Denver, Colorado.

• Is sex addiction or compulsive sexual behavior impacting your life?
• Do you find yourself spending hours looking at internet porn, unable to stop?
• Are you worried that your spending on porn and sex is out-of-control?
• Is your internet porn addiction hurting your personal relationships and work?
• Are you are spending more time on the computer than with your loved-ones?

Pornography and Cybersex (Porn) Addiction Recovery in my Denver Psychotherapy and Addiction Intervention Practice.

With the invention of the Internet individuals no longer have to leave their home to get their “fix”. Men, especially, are attracted to internet pornography for sexual release because of what I call the 10 “A’s”:

• Available (in-home computer, wide variety and supply of web sites)
• Accessible (convenient and easy)
• Accelerated (removes social barriers; sex on demand, frequent, and speedy)
• Affordable (free or inexpensive)
• Anonymous (online perceived discretion, safety, and concealment)
• Acceptable (commonly used; helps in acceptance of sexual identity)
• Approximating (substitutes virtual sexual behaviors and relationships for reality
• Alluring (hooks into fantasy life and sexual templates)
• Active (ability to interact)
• Acculturating (safe introduction to sexual subcultures)

Cybersex can be both the computer generated and enhanced sexual activity, through pictures, video, and description, that accompany sexual arousal and masturbation, often leading to orgasm, and/or using the Internet to hook-up or meet sexual partners through online chat rooms, web-cams, or, in real life.

Addiction to Internet pornography Is the fastest growing, addiction phenomenon in the nation. By providing immediate excitement at the touch of a button, internet porn and sex addiction takes time and energy out of real life and real relationships, impacting both heterosexual and gay relationships. Patrick Carnes says “the Internet is to sex addiction, what crack cocaine has been to drugs.” Internet porn addiction leads to failed relationships, job anxiety and instability, emotional and physical isolation and withdrawal, sexual health problems, sexual desire and intimacy issues, financial and legal consequences, and more.

Don’t wait to get help. Call GLOW Counseling now!

Example of couples therapy with sexual addiction from my Denver, Colorado, mental health and addiction intervention practice: A couple came in to my office struggling with the husband’s addiction to Internet pornography. This man was focused on the computer instead of his wife. Internet pornography is like infidelity. The other partner feels betrayal, mistrust, inadequacy, and unworthiness.

We worked on regaining trust by helping the addicted partner see the affect of his behavior on his wife. Not only did she feel abandoned and betrayed, her sexuality was challenged and attacked. By becoming aware of his wife’s pain he helped her heal the wounds and repaired the relationship.

GLOW Counseling and Denver Sex Therapy offer sex therapy, counseling, and psycho-sexual education on a large range of sexuality and intimacy issues:

Moshe Rozdzial, LPC is a psychotherapist, sex therapist, and counselor at GLOW counseling in Denver, Colorado.