Explore the Path to Deeper Connection

Couples and Marriage Counseling 

In our culture, we do not have formal education on relationships, communication, or parenting. Couples often do not have the tools on how to relate to each other and parent children.

Many problems in relationships stem from inexperience or difficulty with conflict. Family history has taught each partner different ways or rules of relating and dealing with conflict. For example, one partner’s family may have yelled to resolve issues, while the other’s family avoided conflict entirely. Each partner expects the other to automatically abide by these unspoken rules.

In relationship, each person brings his or her own expectations and roles, often believing that these should be understood and accepted. Couples counseling often starts with having the couple identify and establish mutually agreeable, new “rules of engagement”, communication, and understanding their partner’s temperament, expectations, and personality.

Together we talk about each partner’s vision of relationships and identify personal goals. What is important in couples therapy is to bring partners together, so they can grow and become allies rather than become alienated from one another. We work on issues of acceptance, intimacy, and sexuality, so that the couple understands and tolerates the relational mine-fields.

Gay Couples Counseling 

In my psychotherapy practice I see Gay and lesbian couples in various stages of relationship development.

There are many valid models for Gay relationships and families that must be affirmed. For example, I’m currently working with a gay male couple consisting of a recently out, divorced, older, professional white man, with a daughter still living at home, and a younger African American student, who has been out for many years and who has never been a parent. This is not an uncommon phenomenon in gay relationship formation, with men or women of very different economic, ethnic, age, and cultural perspectives establishing and maintaining long term relationships.

Although some degree of difference between partners may be important for solidifying intimate relationships, homosexual relationships with disparate life and cultural experiences may be vulnerable to misunderstandings, conflicts, and miscommunication. With this couple it was very important to address the issue of power and position in the relationship, to uncover the different needs and insecurities, and to affirm and bring understanding to the different styles and perspectives that energize the relationship.

Men’s Issues

Because men are more likely to die than women for all 15 leading causes of death, the average life expectancy for a male, at birth, is 74.6 years, while for women it’s 79.6 years. Because men do not seek out medical or mental health information and take less responsibility for their health issues than women, men are more likely to die from cancer, heart disease, HIV infection, accidents, and suicide. Because men are less likely to see themselves as physically or mentally ill, and, often delay or do not seek medical care or counseling when needed, even after the development of symptoms, men are much less likely to consult a doctor, therapist, or even a dentist, and therefore prolong or succumb to treatable illnesses.

 Because men take greater risks with their health than women, men are more likely to drink, smoke, be overweight, use drugs, or expose themselves to UV radiation without using sunscreen, and are more likely than women to be at fault for a major or minor automobile accident. Men are not inherently less healthy than women. The source of these gender differences in physical and mental health issues is the pressure men feel to live up to a masculine image or role that dictates that men should not show weakness, pain, or emotional struggle. Men avoid medical help or psychotherapy because exposing or talking about their fears, struggles, or “feelings” is viewed as admitting vulnerability. Men have been taught to “stuff their pain”. As a result, men’s mental and physical health problems go undiagnosed, and men often find themselves at risk of contracting and prolonging many diseases or mental health issues that could otherwise be prevented. Beliefs about masculinity also encourage men to take risks with their health by self-medicating through abuse of alcohol, drugs, violence, and other risky behaviors.

Power Dynamics

• Are you challenged by gender roles and expectations in your relationship?

• Are you wanting equality in your relationship but don’t know how to manifest it?

• Do you suffer with competition and one-upmanship in your relationship?

• Do you struggle with differential power, racial, or religious dynamics?

• Are you burdened by with issues of homophobia or bi-phobia?

• Is one of you considered to be better looking by the culture?

• Do you deal with unequal resources or finances in your relationship?

• Do you have painful discussions about money?

Some power differentials in relationships include financial, educational, and ethnic or religious affiliation. Position differences include social support differences, beauty, sexual availability, emotional wherewithal, resiliency, and more. Couples are often unaware of how power, positioning, or rank differences affect their intimate relationships. Power Dynamics are rarely discussed, in fact, they are often assumed to be true or are taboo subjects, and yet, power and position dynamics may be the root cause of many serious relationship problems.

Womens Issues

Women struggle with anxiety disorders significantly more often than men. Anxiety disorders are treatable, yet many women may not realize that they are struggling with anxiety and stress, invalidating their experience as PMS or moodiness.

Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) is an anxiety disorder that often starts in childhood and is more common among women. Constant worrying and associated physiological symptoms of sleeplessness, fatigue, and generalized shakiness are the hallmarks of GAD.

Other anxiety disorders include Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder ( OCD), Panic Disorder, and Phobias. Women are more likely to have Panic Disorder. Intense feelings of fear and associated physiological symptoms that resemble a heart attack often send women to the emergency room rather than to counseling. Women experiencing panic or anxiety attacks often report feeling like they are ‘going crazy’, out of control, or having intense fear of imagined death.

Men often face unique challenges in relationships, influenced by societal expectations and traditional gender roles. At Glow Counseling, we delve into these issues, helping men navigate emotional expression and vulnerability. Our approach fosters a safe space for men to explore their feelings and enhance their emotional intelligence, ultimately improving relationship dynamics.